It’s almost party time.

Well, with the weather getting deliciously nicer, the tourist season is almost upon us and our British friends are about to grace Bulgaria with their intelligence and classic charm.

Typical British tourist in Sunny Beach.


-Spend 10 hours watching grown men chase a rubber ball on television while yelling at said television.

-Drink every $2 drink in sight.

-Start a nonsensical argument about something nonsensical with their friends.

-Fight, argue and vomit all over each other.

-Say something racist to one of the Bulgarian workers and tell them how lucky Bulgaria is to have them spend so much money here.

-In their vomit stained shirts walk over to the nearest tattoo joint and get a matching “Manchester United” tattoo (more than likely scribbled and misspelled).

-Drink every $2 drink in sight. More vomit.

-Break something.

– Black out on the beach face down, turn lobster red.

-Spend many more hours watching grown men exercising by running after a ball on on television.

-Walk around yelling at each other and everything (including trees and walls).

-Pick up a dozen $3 XXXXXXXXXXL “Monster Energy” and “Tapout” T-Shirts as gifts for their friends back home.

-Pass out for the night on top a shrub because can’t find the hotel.

-Complain to the Police the next morning because their passport and wallet were stolen and how terrible Bulgaria is (where in reality they just fuckin’ lost it when they were pissing in the dumpster).